but it's an old secondhand computer with a tape drive.
I wish that cats could talk.

Yes, but it bullies you to suicide!
I wish for a New Avatar

Granted, but he cuts off your eyelids

I wish for a Live Chat

But its a Delayed one!
I wish for a new car

Granted, but it blows up.

I wish for some respect!

But you get spat at in the face

I wish for nicer weather...

Granted, but then a tornado levels your neighborhood.

I wish for a bean burrito supreme.

You get a sandwich

I wish for a nuke...

You got sent to the moon as the United States' Official Target for nuke tests.

I wish for Mang Inasal.

You get cheap cola

I wish for no US

Granted, but then terrorists blows up the world!

I wish that my gf worked days instead of nights.

Well she takes a break, but then gets a promotion and has to work more hours.

I wish math textbooks weren't so evil.

Granted, but then science books get more evil.

I wish for truckloads of money (US Currency only)......

Granted, but Canadian Federal Law only allows you to bring $800US to the US

I wish for arrows

Granted, but it's the arrow on the head of the guy in your avatar

I wish avatars could pop out of cyber space and into reality.

Granted, but then jumps out and chops your head off!

I wish for plenty of snow (like a blizzard).

Granted, but -50 Windchill

I wish for friends who can help me with things

Granted, but then they turn lazy and you get screwed.

I wish for a platter of Manwiches......

idk what they are...
But they can be rotten

I wish for no more slang

Well that's just plain not granted.

I wish for cheap web hosting.

But it has constant outages
I wish for no more laziness

Granted, but for everyone else

I wish for a blanket.

Granted, but it's so funky, you suffocate.

I wish for a cure for the common cold.....

But it attracts worse sickness

I wish for no World hunger

Granted, but you become hungry forever.

I wish for more Physics