You get jail time.

I insert water

Gets a bath

Inserts a machete.....

Gets a coconut.

Carl inserts Pacman

Gets a fighter that got knocked out in the 6th round

Inserts The Ghostbusters

Gets White Lady... (Google it)

Inserts rhinovirus

gets sniffling and sneezing
inserts norovirus

Gets a free cruise! (There was a cruiseship that left my city that got norovirus)

Inserts Get well card

gets a thank you card in return for giving a get well card. But the vending machine wasn't really sick, now was it?

I insert said above jargon

You get confused
Inserts a tomato

you get ketchup
I insert an Iphone

You get Samsung Galaxy S3

I insert cat

You get hairball

I insert hairbrush

You get emu
I insert a lobster

You get Julia Child

I insert a television

You get a Radio
I insert a awesome new game

You get a dull boring game

I insert a will

you get a way.
i insert a cloud

You get rain.
I insert a drum.

you get a drumstick. as in chicken
I insert an icicle

You get a drumstick, as in the ice cream cone dessert.
I insert a dollar.

you get something from an actual vending machine, a can of pepsi
I insert my pepsi

You get a stomachache
I insert antacid

You get acid reflux

I insert peso

you get taco

I insert a Christmas tree

you get a christmas gift
I insert a christmas tree star